Here is where i am everything i try not so be.I let everything out.
You can expect a whole load of weirdness.
Feel free to Tag/Comment.Please do leave your name though.
Would be nice to know who's reading this...
Much love,
Tasha.

2644? ... whats that??

so I'm back to work today. as usual i don't know when I'll be able to get on the comp again. but it doesn't really matter cuz there isn't much to do here anyway.

i realised this morning that i did something stupid on Wednesday night.
to you, I'm sorry. i was was drunk and i wasn't thinking. I've gotten it that you've moved on and i swore not to ever disturb you again. i forced myself not to send you a single msg on your birthday even. i wont ever contact you. not even when it hurts because i realise how much i need you. call me stupid and useless or whatever and I'll take it. it's probably true coming from you anyway so why should i fight. i blame myself. i should have never let you in. i should have never given you that 'false' sense of 'friendship'. so once again I'm sorry for ever coming into your life and spoiling your memories in ITE.

k it's 1.14 now and i have to leave now. so I'll get going.
love:
me
xxxx

Ever fight so hard for someone then think maybe you want something different?
it's not that i don't love him anymore. i just feel that I'm too old for him. and maybe it'd be better if i waited for someone who is more mature and can take care of me. instead if me supporting the whole relationship.
i know everyone has heard me say this so many times. and yet in the end i still come back. it's a cycle.
but i want a man who'd put me first. family first, then me then his friends. i want to be happy. and I'm not. i want to be taken care of. but I'm not.
it brings me to tears thinking of leaving him. i don't wanna live a life without him.

i keep telling myself to be patient with him. he just needs to grow up a bit more then he'll be better. he'll start earning. he'll get his licence and we'll have enough to get an apartment and move in together. but I'm so tired of waiting. it's been three years and things have not gotten better.
i know the only way I'd be able to get over him is if there was another guy. to just be there for me. be my knight in shining armor. be there for me when i need to cry. and to keep me company. and to keep my mind off him. i miss that guy. but he's never coming back. i guess his life is better now that I'm out of it. it's always the case. it's like I'm a jinx to males.

i wanna watch newmoon. i seriously cannot wait for it to come out. i haven't gone on a movie date for so long.

I'm gonna be home emo-ing today. I'm broke cuz mark withdrew all my money. I've got one pack of ciggies and the computer and the television today. no renting movies. no outside food. no fun.
i miss Celia. we've got to go back to school in a few days. i don't know how I'm gonna take being back in that place. all the memories. haix....

oh well.

you know whats funny? the fact that you can love someone so much, and hate then all at the same time.

last night was fun. the atmosphere was a little tense but i guess it'll be better. I'm just so tired of everything. all the damn drama. I'm tired of being caught up in this relationship moving nowhere. I'm tired of jumping from one guy to the next and getting my heart broken over and over again. I'm tired of making new friends and starting to love them then having them get taken away for some reason. any reason is never near good enough.

i lost two of my best friend cuz of a boy and now, I'm about to loos the one and only one i have left. like i said before, boys kill friendship.

I'm tired of loosing everything.

i hate the meetings i dread the sex i hate the heart break. there is nothing to look forward to anymore. yet, i find it so hare to let go. let everything go. fly away. i don't wanna play the broken hearted girl. not anymore i won't. looking at the old photographs make my heart go weak. i miss you. both of you. but at least you have each other.

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to Celia, hang in there hunny. I'll always be here when you need me. and even when you don't. just hang in here. i love you.

i don't know if the six of us will ever be like we were before but i cant be bothered anymore. say whatever you please. I'm tired of caring.

every time i think someone will be different, they turn out just the same.

i give up.

Close you eyes Sometimes it helps

so long since I've set my hands on a keyboard.

i tried to get in touch but after i scrolled down your blog page i discovered how much it still hurts.
i miss you a whole lot. i think about you all the time. i swear. but i cant do it. i hope you guys are happy. really i do.

I've gotta stop before i cry. pfft!

Anyway, Dinner at Oscars tonight. Celia's not going. it's really gotten my mood down cuz she's my top priority. haven't seen her for a week now and i miss her crazy. I've got to go get the balloon for my girl Donna and get ready and all.. i should get started soon....

there was so much to recount. but it's all a blank now. I'm starting to loose my temper alot these days. and it gets really bad...

mummy prayed for me in church today. i told her about the smoking too. we talked about it last night on the way home from work.










Honestly,
i haven't been great.
I'm starting not to care about anything anymore.
bad dreams when i sleep.

oh well..

Love Me

I miss my friends. i miss hanging out and just chatting... i miss just sitting on your bed watching you do your thing... spending time with you.
i miss... everything.
your on my mind everyday without fail.
but it confuses me. this whole situation confuses me.

i miss you but i cant bare to remember him.. we shared everything. and he chose to leave.
or did i push him away?

either way, it's all broken now.
i cant fit the right pieces together. I've tried so hard...

please don't hate me.
i still love you.
your still my best friend.

Well, yet another off day is passing quickly. i slept from around one early this morning to about 2 in the afternoon. I had pancakes for breakfast and lunch. watched tv and bummed out till about 530 then went to shower. and now I'm here.

yesterday after work Mark came to town to pick me up. i met him at city hall and we went to walk around at bugis. and this time, we really went to walk around. we had dinner at MacDonald's and bumped into some people i wasn't too keen on seeing. after dinner we went walking along bugis street. It's been so long since I've gone to that part of bugis. oh before that i got a pair of really cute shoes at RUBI. i was so happy :) ok so, we walked and looked for jeans for him. couldn't find anything nice... i got him a shirt and he got himself a t-shirt from spade. then we went to fine earrings fro him. and we finally found something he liked at this small shop. and i got a cap for myself. i don't know if I'll ever wear it but it was so pretty. he liked it first but it wasn't his style so i got it. then we walked around still looking for a nice pair of jeans and we walked past this place full of bags. he got me the one I've been wanting for so long but i didn't get it cuz it's so common. he really made me feel so good last night. i was happy. we finally found a pair of jeans but he couldn't try it on cuz everything had closed. he got it anyway and it turns out it fits him perfectly. we just have to alter the length and taper it a little bit. now all that's left is a pair of new shoes.

my back is seriously painful. i have no pain killers of that plaster thing cuz i left it all in the drawer at work. I'll just have to rest.

Chef Ganesh came back to work today. i think... i hope he's feeling better.

I'm going to watch TV now..

I think Alicia Keys is absolutely brilliant in Empire State Of Mind. Every time i listen to it, no matter how crappy I'm feeling, I'll end up feeling better.

I'm on MC again. I've used up 6 of my 7 allowed days of MC. for the first time in my life I've been falling sick so much. this time i injured my back and the doctor wanted to give me a week off but i said no. so he said minimum of 2 days with more medication... screwed up right?

i hate being 20.
i had so much more to blog about but i totally lost my mood cuz this comp is lagging... and it's annoying me. and my back hurts again. the damn pain killers aren't working.

never the less, i cant wait to go back to work tomorrow.

I'll probably come back later. after my nap.

my back hurts like crazy. and my knees are getting weaker by the day. i don't know how long more i can take the pain... and my heart is giving trouble again. It sucks when everything comes back all at once.

I think I've changed. I'm not the same old me anymore... it's sad cuz i think it could to me really loosing everything. But I'm happy cuz i like being quiet and lonely and to myself. it's peaceful. and there's no drama. I'm not exactly happy because there are still things that bug me.
thinking about it, i might be going into another stage of depression.... the last time i knew it was coming. i became reserved again and blah blah blah....

and now, it's the same.

oh well... whatever happens happens. I'm just afraid my back will get worst than it already is. that's the worst thing that could happen in my life.

i feel that my heart has grown cold. i still feel but just a little.... it's sad really

i should get to bed now...

i love love love this song!!! haha

Timmy came. and he got me shades from River island. i love them!!! :D

we just had our pizza and I'm drinking my HARVEY'S BRISTOL CREAM now. it's damn nice i tell you. heh.. I'm asking for trouble cuz i have work tomorrow.. haha!!!!

okay.. we're cutting my cake after Aunler finishes her dinner. so I'll check in tomorrow or something.

Guna just called me to wish me.. Thanks Guna :)

The memory still hurts but I'm putting it behind me. Cuz I'm over you. and you mean nothing to me anymore. i don't hate you. nor do i dislike you. to me, your just someone i once knew. Goodbye my ex best friend. have a good life.

SO, much love to all of you! thank you all so much for everything.

LOVES!

In the early days, Natasha Weerasekera was a skinny little girl with no friends and only herself to talk to.
Thus, She developed a slight mental unstability.
Also tends to go nutts at random moments.
She likes being weird
and thinks she is the queen of awesomeness.
Studies in ITE.
and absolutely Loves her bestfriends.